0:00:00 Jemimah Ashleigh: I’ve been trying, and, you know, I’ve been tested.
0:00:06 B: Welcome to the Friends in Business podcast with your hosts, Ben Wright and Jemimah Ashley. Ben, known as the sales strategist, and Jemimah, our resident visibility expert, are here to share their wealth of knowledge and experience with a little fun along the way. Whether you’re a leader, entrepreneur, or aspiring business owner, this is the podcast where we share everything we know about business to help you succeed.
0:00:31 B: So let’s get started. Welcome to the Friends in Business podcast.
0:00:44 Ben Wright: I’d like to say Welcome back to Friends in Business, but as we started this episode, Jemimah has just sledged me and she’s completely put it off. So if Jemimah, if this is not my best podcast, it’s 100% on you. You’ve impacted life. My mental health has just taken an absolute dive after the rubbish you put me through. But, hey, Welcome back to Friends in Business.
0:01:05 Jemimah Ashleigh: Stoked to be here. Love aggravating you. It’s my favorite thing, you know that.
0:01:08 Ben Wright: Yeah, yeah. You and my daughter are very, very good at it.
0:01:12: She’s my best friend. She’s been holding my hand a lot since I got here. That’s new, so I haven’t noticed it.
Ben Wright: I haven’t noticed it
Jemimah Ashleigh : I will definitely draw your attention to it. She’s like, we should go, and just grabs my hand and we walk wherever we’re going.
0:01:23 Ben Wright: Well, at least you took her time to do that. You like people to have a little bit of caution. Your kids have a bit of caution before they go hold any stranger’s hand.
0:01:30 Jemimah Ashleigh: But who’s always at her house and shares a wall with her? That’s true. Yeah.
0:01:35 Ben Wright: Fair enough. So how are you?
0:01:37 Jemimah Ashleigh: Great. Can I just say, house is looking amazing. Wandered past a sauna earlier. Pretty sure I saw a gym. You’re doing a lot around the house?
0:01:46 Ben Wright: We have done a lot, and I think it’s going to actually tie in really well to what we’re going to talk about today, which is around mental health, for a lack of a better term. But for me, when we moved up here, I’m very aware of the key levers around my mental health. I’ve hit rock bottom, I think. I haven’t on this podcast, but I’ve told the story about how close I got to the edge, and that is I picked the spot where my time was going to end, and that was a horrible moment in my life. And certainly the period leading up to it was really horrible. But even afterwards, I really struggled. But for me, I’m really clear now on what drives my positive outlook in life. So we had a real plan when we moved in here. And, and for me it’s. There’s a mixture of convenience and health here. Right. Having a pool that we could see any point in time. Right. We can’t at the moment go and buy those 15, 20 million dollar houses that overlook out on the ocean. Right. One day we’ll get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he’s had it. Yeah. But we have a beautiful house here on half an acre and we have a huge pool. And for me that was really deliberate in terms of setting up and then. But with that I wanted to have that, you know, the sauna treatment, something I really like. But a sauna that’s not just slogged in the corner of a room. Right. This is a sauna that we’ve built outside in the garden surrounded by palm trees with stones around it. We’re building a garden to suit and it’s actually become part of the habitat here. And that for me, with the pool, which we have the heater so we can use it all year round. And being in the big outdoor space. Right. That keeps me active and does all the stuff I want to do that has the positive impact on my outlook. But then we’ve paired that with built a gym in the garage here and also have bought the bikes we need and all the equipment that I want to be fit and health is here so that I can have both major and minor health. Health activities. Right. So the majors, when I want to go for a run or a ride or swim, I can head out to where I need to. But when I’ve got short periods of time, having that gym here that we set up, it’s compact, it’s ready to go. Right. It’s about 4 meters by 6 meters or 3 meters by 6 meters. It’s everything I want to do. Done.
0:03:44 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:03:44 Ben Wright: 20 minutes, bang, done. Right. And then I can go off and do something else. So yeah, we’ve managed to build out here that if life’s busy, I can do everything I want to do here. Right. Or by putting a pair of runners on.
0:03:56 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:03:56 Ben Wright: And don’t need to leave. But at the same time I can go out and experience the world if we want to. So I mean, super fortunate, right, to be able to do it. Outdoor showers next and ice bath. I’m not convinced on yet, but that may come.
0:04:07 Jemimah Ashleigh: But that’s just cold. I don’t understand that one actually.
0:04:10 Ben Wright: Yeah. One of our neighbors, he’s got an ice bath so he can venture up there.
0:04:13 Jemimah Ashleigh: Just pop over there.
0:04:14 Ben Wright: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I said, yeah, for me, I’m really pleased with what we’re going to set up.
0:04:19 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah, it’s looking amazing.
0:04:20 Ben Wright: Yeah, thank you.
0:04:21 Jemimah Ashleigh: And it’s obviously so well thought out in the processes that you were like, I need to build these things in for our home.
0:04:26 Ben Wright: Yeah, yeah. And wealth, as we’re going to talk about now, it’s making sure that I’m in a positive head space for as much of the time or as much of the day as I can. And same for my wife, my daughter. Right. It’s a big part of what we’re doing, so. And it’s been something I’ve had challenges with over the journey, so I’m very aware.
0:04:42 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah, amazing. This was actually exactly what you’re talking about. And that structure is exactly why I ended up moving in to the building. I moved in lately last year. And I know I’ve sort of talked about the building before, about having an art gallery and it’s got a library and things and it’s got a full art studio. But the one thing that I loved about this building, it had a complete gym, like almost the size of the room we’re in now, which is enormous, a huge gym. But it also had yoga classes and Pilates machines and indoor pool and an outdoor pool, and it just made it easier. And again, I. What I loved is what you said about, like, I can do the long version or the short version. Sometimes you only get half an hour. You can use that half an hour for good and for your mental health, what that looks like. So what I wanted to talk about today, really focusing on the mental health aspect here, because I know physical stuff is really, really important, I think, for both of us. But, no, you’re a huge advocate for this. I wanted to talk about a little bit about last year because we were meant to record in sort of November last year, December last year. So I was meant to fly up in sort of the end of last year, and I was sort of reflecting. And one of the things we do with our podcast is we go through stories of mutual times that we’ve spent together. And I remember thinking we had to have a really hard Discussion on about 12 December of actually, this might not be a good time to come and visit. This might not be the time to record. And both of us were. And I think the words I used at the time were fighting for our lives. We were just trying to get through the year, both having a little bit of burnout.
0:06:12 Ben Wright: Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t say I was fighting for my life, but I was bloody busy.
0:06:15 Jemimah Ashleigh: I was absolutely fighting for my life. So maybe that’s just my words for me, but I was like, I was just trying to get through to that last week of work. Very busy, very tired and my batteries were running a bit low.
And so I really want to talk about that battery management today. And then around also, like how we disconnect because I think one of the key things that we get as business owners, this is stressful regardless of what people say. And I was in law enforcement, like, I’ve seen some stuff and I still think this might be worse some days, not every day, but it’s more consistent of the pressure is on. You’re the one paying the bills, you’re the one that’s having to pay your staff. You’re the one who is making the response. It’s not an easy career. The bottom line, it comes down to you, how do you maintain a level of sanity to get through the day when it’s really bad? But also importantly, like, I just think this got highlighted for me at the end of last year of, okay, how do you keep those batteries charged and how do you disconnect?
0:07:15 Ben Wright: So for me, if we leave our response or our approach to looking after our mental health to be tactical, right, then it’s going to have tactical impacts. And generally tactical impacts are shorter term. So for me, where I start and where I start with everyone I work with is to know what works for you. And what I mean by that is there’s some key areas in life where we need to get the balance right for us to be happy at a mental health.
Number one, and this is in no particular order, number one is around sleep. So know your levers around sleep, right? Are you someone that needs six hours? Do you need eight hours? Do you need it to be pitch dark? Do you need it to be cool? Right? Are you someone that sleeps better when you’re with your partner, when you’re on your own? Right. Do you sleep better when you turn off your phones before you go to bed? Or are you someone that helps you relax? Right. Know your levers around sleep.
0:08:04 Jemimah Ashleigh: Can we just talk about the sleep thing for a second? Because I think this is so underrated as being the number one thing. When I’m really stressed, the first thing that goes to sleep quickly, followed by food. I think the sleep thing particularly is quite interesting because I think the sleep really does affect your food. Eventually because you’re tired, you want more carbohydrates. You need the sugar, you need the sugar here to keep you going or.
0:08:26 Ben Wright: You want, you don’t need, you don’t need apologies.
0:08:29 Jemimah Ashleigh: You want the sugar to keep that energy up. What I find really interesting about the sleep is and I love that you said, do you need seven, do you need eight? Do you need 10? Do you need like what do you need specific because it’s like prescribed approach of you can actually only everyone has eight. Maybe you need more, maybe you need less.
0:08:47 Ben Wright: Yeah. Know your levers.
0:08:48 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:08:49 Ben Wright: And know how you get your best sleep.
0:08:51 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:08:51 Ben Wright: Right. I know for me that if I go to bed having had alcohol, right. Some people it impacts more than others. For me, I wake up terribly the next day. So I always try and stop alcohol. Well, ideally it’s three hours before bed, but that’s difficult. Right. Particularly when I’m out having fun. But I try and have a break between my last drink and bed and that tends to help me. So know your levers around sleep.
Number two is around food. Right. Know what works for you for food. I know consistency in time of day that I eat and what I eat.
0:09:18 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:09:18 Ben Wright: For breakfast is a big. Cater to me. I don’t, you know, get involved with intermittent fasting too much. But I do like to have breaks. I like to have kind of that 12 hours right. Between dinner and breakfast. I know the types of food that I work well with, the types that I don’t, within reason. Right. And by having a pretty consistent diet, it helps me feel balanced. I’m measured, more measured in my responses and generally just a happier person. So second base is around knowing your levers around food.
Third piece is around health and fitness.
0:09:50 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah. For sure.
0:09:51 Ben Wright: Right. For me, the excuse that says I don’t have time for health and fitness is I very much see as an excuse. Right. I’ve had businesses where we were 80 hours a week, had a young kid, had some real challenges in life, but I still managed to carve out time to exercise. And I think for me, my messaging here is to actually make sure you’re forming the habits of exercise and looking after yourself by putting them in your diary. Right. You actually build your days. And if that means you got to get up early to do it, great. Get up early and spend half an hour or less watching tv. If that means that you’re going to do shorter sessions more regularly, fantastic. Do the shorter sessions. But know your levers that keeps you happy around a health and fitness level and also the times of day where you like to exercise. And that can be A real driver of balance in your mental health.
0:10:35 Jemimah Ashleigh: I had to learn really quickly. I used to be a fierce morning person to go for a run. And then right now, because of the types of activities at work that I’m getting stuck at, doing a lot more events, a lot more speaking engagements, a lot more dinners, a lot more functions, the 5am Wasn’t working anymore. It just was actually becoming extremely problematic cause my sleep lever was gone and I was then trying to play catch up on the weekend and it was just making me feel worse. So I was like, what about a new plan? What if we move the time of day? So it just became after work, 7:30, bang, we go. There was no excuses. This is what’s happening. Because I’ve always been the fierce morning person, same as you. Get it done, then I’ve got no excuses later. Forget you. Just don’t think about it. This is what we do. And I’ve had to change that so I didn’t mess with other leaders.
0:11:24 Ben Wright: Yeah, excellent. Great, great. Really like that. Well, I’ve got two more around.
0:11:27 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah, great, keep going.
0:11:28 Ben Wright: So second, last one for me is around knowing your triggers. Right. And for this one here is I talk about they’re either. They could be physical, they could be emotional, but yeah. Try and learn the things that set you off. Right. So for me, the external triggers that set me off are when people don’t get their word, I get really upset. I don’t like when people exclude you from things. Right. These are drivers that just cause me, cause me stress whether they’re right or wrong.
0:11:54 Jemimah Ashleigh: So it’s just having an understanding of what’s really kind of that seeded trigger for you.
0:12:00 Ben Wright: Yep. As it comes in, you can recognize it. And then the physical triggers normally follow. Right. So for me I’ll click my jaw or I’ll clench my teeth or I’ll start to blink a bit more. Pick that up now whenever they see me. But those are the pieces where I start to have some of those triggers. Now the blinking actually is quite a good one for me as well. It means I’m really focusing. But I start to know when I’m getting some outside stimulus that are triggering me or some internal stimulus. And people can say is that a bit woo woo. Right. Or a big graven for me?
0:12:31 Jemimah Ashleigh: Not at all.
0:12:31 Ben Wright: When you know those triggers, you can start to do something about it and.
0:12:35 Jemimah Ashleigh: You start to manage them. And also because sometimes you can’t prevent being triggered. Someone being rude to you, someone excluding you, someone being difficult, someone saying something inappropriate to you, you don’t get to control that. What you can control is. The only thing you control is your reaction. And it can just be, I need to calm down, I need to have a minute and I need to take a second away from this situation and just being like, oh, this is actually working out.
0:13:01 Ben Wright: Yeah, yeah, look, no doubt. And that leads to the fifth one is the biggest. You know, I’ve got sleep, I’ve got diet, I’ve got exercise.
0:13:08 Jemimah Ashleigh: Right.
0:13:09 Ben Wright: I’ve got a few things there that I know that can help me generally balance it at a habitual level. Right. But know what you do to get yourself out of that. Yes. Right.
0:13:17 Jemimah Ashleigh: Oh, my gosh.
0:13:17 Ben Wright: Is it having fun?
0:13:18 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:13:18 Ben Wright: Is it going for an extra bit of exercise? Is it going out for a good meal? I generally don’t recommend it. Being alcohol, it’s. It’s a slippery slope. In fact, when I’m stressed, I try not to drink, even though I know it relaxes me. But know what you do to get yourself out of it. I know for me that the best way to get me when I’m really stressed, the best thing I can do is put my head down for a couple of days, get through to the weekend, knock off early on a Friday, and then have a weekend full of fun. That absolutely clears it out. The other thing is, I know, is that I write lists.
0:13:48 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:13:48 Ben Wright: You know, that’s a non fun piece, but when I can do that, bang. Right. And the other pieces can’t have a sauna. That’s why I’ve got a sauna here.
0:13:55 Jemimah Ashleigh: There is real power. The listing’s quite interesting and I’m sure there’s a study out there about entrepreneurs and lists and how the dopamine we get once we tick things off, that there’s got to be something out there. But one of the things that I find really interesting about this idea that you kind of raised earlier, which I also think really applies here, of just that half an hour. You’d be surprised what you can get done in half an hour if you sat down yesterday. I was waiting. I had had to wait for you always. Oh, my gosh. But I was left with about an hour where I got really. I was unattended, I had lunch with a girlfriend. You were running a little bit late and you said, oh, I’m so sorry, I’m running late. I was like, I’ve got an hour. Are you joking? This is the greatest moment of my day. I’m not gonna have to work tonight. Cause I’m gonna knock it all over now. Pay My bills, do what I need to do, check the email. Like, I got things done in that time. And I think entrepreneurs, we need to and business owners, we have to be really good at really using that time effectively when we do.
0:14:52 Ben Wright: Yeah. Yeah. And so if that’s one of the ways that you know how you can power through times of stress is to clear out your calendar and just focus on what’s important. Fantastic. But tell me about your stuff.
0:15:01 Jemimah Ashleigh: Great. So I want to touch base about sort of three things that I find really, really powerful. Number one, for me, I agree with everything you said. I think sleep, diet, exercise, movement, knowing your triggers, very important. The ones that I have had addition to morning routine, so boring. So needed. Like for me, my routine now and the things that I do every morning are sacred. If I get that interrupted, I can actually really struggle with that. And sometimes that can be depending what I need. Meditation in the morning, sitting with that. This morning I had the opportunity to be in Noosa and this morning I spent like 20 minutes just meditating. Because we have. We’re filming today. We’ve got some stuff going on. I have 150 emails. I’m about to go to another awards night. What going on? Like, it’s just. All right, let’s get ready to be fully present for the day because that’s where I need to be. Morning routine for me also looks like just making sure I have breakfast and coffee. Like making sure I’ve had a liter of water. Making sure that while we’re in, while I’m away, these are the specific things. If they’re not done, they have to be done. Sort of touched on this. But I cannot stress enough about meditation. I think while you think you were talking about woo woo stuff, just wait. I didn’t put a lot of stock in meditation for a long time. I didn’t. Just taking that mind mindfulness moment. I was a bit. Oh, well, that’s a bit woo woo. Maybe it’s not really my thing. Actually love it. Think it’s incredible. Try meditating at night. Do have a bit of a problem because I just start falling asleep almost immediately. Just having a minute and go to sleep. And then my final one. This is probably the one that I think I’ve definitely had the most trouble with. And I think you’ve gotten a lot better at this in the last six months and is disconnection. So I know that if I send you an email on Friday, there is no, on no planet am I getting a response before Monday.
0:16:53 Ben Wright: More often than not. Yeah. 100% right.
0:16:55 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah. While you’ve deleted, did you take your, the emails off your phone? Was that right?
0:17:00 Ben Wright: I don’t have emails on my phone.
0:17:01 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah. I think you inspired me to remove that app. Like it was just. I have to dig through folders now to find it, sometimes use it. But I. It’s a lot harder now.
0:17:10 Ben Wright: Yeah.
0:17:11 Jemimah Ashleigh: And so the power of disconnection. We are now in a world where 24 hours a day people expect to be able to get a hold of you, that if I call you, you will call me back within one to two hours. That’s sort of an expectation that we have. I didn’t answer the phone call. Yes, Dan, I got two voicemails. Is everything right? Yes. I’m just having dinner with my friend. I can’t do this right now. Thanks. And I think having that moment where you can disconnect, turn your phone off, have one day, we are not immediately available. We are not having that stimulus all the time. I did read a really interesting statistic the other day and it kind of blew me away. I think you’re gonna love it. How much extra information do you think we get from our mobile phones a day? Is it like a TV show worth? Is it like a CD worth? A movie worth?
0:18:02 Ben Wright: I couldn’t. I expect the number is huge.
0:18:05 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah. It’s ridiculous. It is. Two full length movies. That’s me.
0:18:10 Ben Wright: That’s how much we’re on our mobiles. Five hours or four hours a day.
0:18:13 Jemimah Ashleigh: The amount of data that we’re getting thrown at us is the equivalent of two movies. So that’s the equivalent of me forcing you to watch Independence Day 1 and Independence Day 2 or speed 1 and speed 2. Like I’m forcing you every day to do that.
0:18:25 Ben Wright: Love the speed movies. Didn’t love the Independence Day ones. But I get what you’re saying.
0:18:29 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:18:30 Ben Wright: Yeah.
0:18:30 Jemimah Ashleigh: So one of them you’re willing to do. But yeah.
0:18:33 Ben Wright: And part of this comes down to what you offer through your service. Right. If you’re offering a service of always being contactable, then you need to be ready that customers are always going to contact you.
0:18:42 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yes.
0:18:42 Ben Wright: Right. Or you have alternatives if you’re not the person that’s going to be contacted.
0:18:46 Jemimah Ashleigh: Right.
0:18:47 Ben Wright: That they can then get in touch with as well. Right. You need to set the whatever service or offering or product your business is putting out there, whether you be a small business or one of my largest customers is almost 5 billion in revenue. Right. Got to actually fulfill those commitments that you’re making to your customers. So the key here is to set yourself up to be able to fulfill those, but then find those right. Those times of right to disconnect. I’m pretty clear on it. I’m very clear with my customers when I will and won’t be around. And most of them are very aware of it. So I’m very comfortable with it.
0:19:18 Jemimah Ashleigh: It’s just setting those boundaries right and going, this is the best way to get a hold of me if you need something. I had a client for a little while who just tried to ring all the time and would just go, oh, I’ve got a quick question for you. And immediately, if someone calls me, they’re dying or something’s really wrong. That’s the only time someone would call me. I was like, is everything all right? She’s like, yeah, I just need a quick question. And it was just about something very menial. And I had to say, actually, just so you know, thanks so much for the call. I really need you to email me phone calls I’m not reliable for and put it back on me. I’m gonna be unreliable, which was true. I’m always going to be unreliable. I don’t even know where my phone is right now, because we’re here right now.
0:19:57 Ben Wright: Look, I don’t disagree with that, but what I will say is that I talk a lot about being easy to work with. And if the customers that you serve see phone as the most important way to get in touch with you, and that’s really valuable for them, then we need to make sure in our service that we have times when we’re available on the phone. We set the boundaries. It says, hey, and this is where you talk through in the early days, whether it be product or service. Right. If we’re really clear around how we provide the value we provide.
0:20:24 Jemimah Ashleigh: Yeah.
0:20:24 Ben Wright: And if that doesn’t work for our customers, then we either need to target different customers or change the way we do things. But certainly making sure that we’re really clear on what the triggers are for us and what we need to balance. Right. That’s the most important message that I have for today, is understanding you and everything you need. Across sleep, across diet, across exercise, across triggers, across how you have some fun, across how you disconnect. Right. Getting all that really clear and knowing what works for you. Once you get that right, things tend to flow from that amazing key message, key nugget from you today.
0:21:01 Jemimah Ashleigh: How important this is that there is just one of the reasons that we are having this discussion is because I don’t think the mental health part is really spoken about enough. I don’t think we acknowledge that, how bad it can get at times, but also how stressful it is and just also showing that we have been there and going. We’ve had the days where. How many times have you properly quit your business? Like, you’re like, I’m done. I’m actually out. Coles is not looking good. It’s not looking bad.
0:21:29 Ben Wright: You know, I’m not one of those guys, okay. But what I will say is I’ve had some deeply disturbing and dark moments when I had the business, and we’re really under some pressure that I would never wish on anyone. And from that I’ve learned my triggers. But yeah, I definitely have days where I get to the end of and go, oh, my God, it would be so much easier working with someone right now.
0:21:49 Jemimah Ashleigh: And I think this is the point. If it’s happened to us, it’s happening to other people. You’re not alone. We understand that. But also there is an onus of getting some responsibility and getting tackling that head on.
0:22:01 Ben Wright: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we’re here. If you ever need to have a chat, please get in touch with us. We’re your Friends in Business. That’s the end of our podcast for this week. We’ll see you again in seven days time.
0:22:09 Jemimah Ashleigh: See you then. I’ve been trying, you know, I’ve been tested.
0:22:16 B: Thank you for listening to the Friends in Business podcast. This episode was brought to you by your hosts, Ben Wright and Jemimah Ashley. Recorded in beautiful Noosa, Queensland. For more insights and resources, Visit [email protected] and Jemimahemimashley.com if today’s podcast has helped you, we’d be so grateful if you could leave a review and share with someone you know. This will help more people in the world benefit from the hard work we are putting in to bring you the best content we possibly can.
